“I wasn’t prepared for any of this!” Unfortunately, children’s ministers everywhere are expressing this comment too frequently. Church leaders are dealing with the aftermath of violence in cities such as Oklahoma City; Jonesboro, Arkansas; and Edinboro, Pennsylvania.

For the children in these communities, their lives are forever changed by violent acts. It’s sometimes hard for them to understand how God can help them through this pain. Some children may even hold God responsible for these tragedies and turn their backs on God.

You can be instrumental in helping traumatized children experience a healthy spiritual healing process. Are you prepared to deal with the trauma of violence? Follow this advice to help kids see the loving face of God in a world filled with shadows.

First, know yourself. Given the scope of unexpected tragedies, the entire community—including ministers—needs to heal. As a grief counselor, I’ve found that the healing process starts by understanding and dealing with your own feelings first. You can do this by:

• Being in touch with your feelings;
• Expressing your feelings appropriately;
• Tracking where you are in the grieving process and your beliefs about God;
• Understanding that it’s okay to talk about grief and not talk about God;
• Comfortably expressing your feelings with children;
• Accepting your own and others’ feelings;
• Modeling appropriate behavior; and
• Praying.

Listen to children’s hearts. Help children understand where God is in the midst of their trauma. Just as children’s reactions to grief are individualized, so are their reactions to God. These are some typical reactions from children:

• “Get away from me, God! You made this happen!”
• “God is there for me. He’ll take care of this.”
• “Why did you do this, God?”
• “I hate you, God.”
• “There is no God. If there was, he wouldn’t have done this.”

These reactions to God are another dimension of the grieving process. Just as the grieving process isn’t linear, neither are children’s reactions to God throughout this process. Children’s feelings about God may vary from minute to minute, or they may experience a variety of feelings simultaneously. Children can experience these reactions to God in varying degrees of intensity as they sort through the confusion created by the trauma. See the “Grieving Stages” (below) to understand where children may be in their grieving process.

Let children know that it’s okay to feel whatever they’re feeling about God. Children shouldn’t deny or judge their feelings. Instead, they can bring their feelings to God for healing, and they can trust that God is there to help them.

Understand God’s role in healing. Find strength in knowing that God is your most powerful ally in helping children heal. It’s important to understand the role God plays in healing. Call upon the power of the Great Healer as he has ministered to you. One of the best ways to help children trust God again is in being a good role model by:

• Demonstrating your trust in God despite the trauma;
• Reminding children that God was in their lives before the trauma and will always be there;
• Seeing God at work in your life; and
• Being “real” and expressing feelings about God appropriately, which will enable children to express their feelings.

Get involved with kids. Lead children through activities that help them express and work through their feelings about God. These activities focus on prayer and Scripture, which are essential for healing.

JESUS IS HERE
If children are angry with God, encourage them to see themselves at a different age, perhaps before the trauma. Tell them to picture themselves in a safe place. Have them picture Jesus, and then invite him to heal them and help them with their pain.

COLOR ME BLUE
Have children use art forms to express their feelings. Connect children’s feelings about God and the trauma to Bible stories. Give children pictures of Bible stories where Jesus healed people. Ask children to draw themselves into the “picture.” Have them draw a picture of what this Bible story would look like today.

Ask them how God fits into their pictures.

Also, have children draw a series of pictures about the trauma. Have them draw three pictures—one about what their lives were like before the trauma, one about the trauma, and another one about their lives in the future.

Lead children in discussing how God fits into their pictures. Sensitively interpret the pictures to determine if they might generate new healing activities. For example, if children draw flowers, you might suggest that they take flowers to the cemetery.

JOURNALING
Once you walk children through the above activities, have them write about any feelings that surfaced during the activities. Connect small groups of children with an adult. Have children tell what they wrote so they can “let go” of their pain.

DAY-TO-DAY
If children are having trouble sleeping or are haunted by nightmares, encourage them to use a religious “security blanket” for a while. Taking a visual reminder of God’s presence–such as a Bible or cross–to bed can comfort traumatized children. These symbols provide children with something tangible to reestablish trust in God.

No matter what you do with children, plan for positive closure. However, don’t create an emotional experience without knowing what to do with it. If you truly feel underqualified, connect children with other support resources, such as teachers or psychologists. Don’t try to duplicate what others are doing; instead, subtly reinforce their efforts.

You can help children find God again by enabling children to express whatever they’re feeling about God and helping them work through those feelings. Your rewards are many. You’ll see children run and play again. You’ll see them grow in God’s light. And you’ll know that you’ve had a hand in their healing process.

GRIEVING STAGES
As children travel through grief, their faith in God may be impacted in these ways at each stage:

STAGES—REACTIONS TO GOD
1. Shock—God doesn’t exist.
2. Denial—God will take care of things; there’s no need to deal with feelings.
3. Isolation—God is deliberately rejecting me.
4. Anger—I hate God and formal worship.
5. Bargaining—God is angry and punitive; good behavior will result in God making things better.
6. Depression—At the extreme, I want to be with God and stop living in order to ease my pain.
7. Acceptance—I can deal with and share my feelings about God and start accepting God in my life again.

Anthony Sirianni is a hospital chaplain in New Brunswick, New Jersey, where he specializes in counseling dying or grieving children.

Come with me, I’m fading underneath the lights.
Come with me, Come with me, Come with me now…
Can’t you see the signs? — Creed, “Signs”

Kids today are complex. They grow up faster than we imagine, and they face issues that were nonexistent — or at least more hidden — when we were children. And as children’s ministers, we often find ourselves trying to interpret what kids are really going through based on the signals they’re sending. Is Sarah struggling to make friends? Has Keisha’s father come home? Is Mark being held back in school this year? Is Vickie prepared for her family’s move? Is it possible that Peyton is being abused at home?

Traversing a child’s inner world requires attention, compassion, intuition, and common sense. It’s a minefield-laden world we live in, and unfortunately, children are all too often the casualties. Part of our role as children’s ministers is to support families as they safeguard kids’ overall well-being — and there are many instances in which that well-being is threatened, ranging from abuse to self-confidence issues. How do we recognize the signs that a child is covering up a trauma, crisis, or hurt?

We asked three experts for their advice. Pulitzer Prize-winning author and researcher Robert Coles, Christian clinical psychologist Dr. Gary Hackney, and Christian counselor Steve Rossi offer their insight into kids’ secret worlds.

Proceed with Caution

If we see kids for only one or two hours per week, is it really possible to assess whether a child is living through trauma or crisis? The answer is complex. The experts say yes — adults with limited contact with kids are often able to spot trouble through behavioral indicators and other signals kids send. But in the same instances, adults may misinterpret or miss these signs, so it’s necessary to proceed carefully. The best rule of thumb is to observe and interact with the child over a period of time — that way you can distinguish between a child who’s acting out because he didn’t get enough sleep the night before and one who’s dealing with internal trauma or stress. Use these observation tools.

• Communicate — “Talk to the child,” says Coles, author of over 50 books, including The Moral Intelligence of Children (Random House). “There’s nothing like a good conversation. I wouldn’t advise getting into a lot of psychological gobbledygook…You see a child who’s ailing or hurting, you try to figure out what it’s about.” Coles also suggests checking with the parents or with other teachers and adults who know the child to gain clearer understanding. It’s also important to do a bit of self-assessment when you’re preparing to talk with a child. “Find out what it is about the child’s behavior that’s bothering you,” says Coles. “[Then] ask the child directly. Tell the child what’s on your mind in a friendly and direct way.”
• Monitor — When a child’s behavior or appearance seems out of the ordinary, it’s important to monitor the change and try to assess how dramatic it is. A strong signal that a child is hurting comes in the form of an abrupt change that takes hold; for example, a child who’s normally outgoing and happy suddenly becomes withdrawn or cries inexplicably. “Any significant change in [a child’s] behavior,” says Rossi, can be a signal of something amiss. “But it’s got to be particular to that child. And every child is different,” he adds.

See the Signs

There are common indicators that a child is experiencing trauma of some kind. The key is to remember that what’s normal in one child may not be in another — so look for a consistent change in that particular child’s behavior. Here are signals that may indicate something is wrong.

• Regression — Children (infants included) regress to earlier developmental stages when trauma occurs. Behaviors such as thumb sucking and soiling clothes may reappear.
• Exaggerated Fears — “Fears come back that belong to a younger age,” says Rossi. For example, it’s not age-appropriate for a 10-year-old to suddenly fear loud noises.
• Anxiety — Kids have startle reactions that are exaggerated and seem out of place. For example, a child might overreact to a distant ambulance siren.
• Emotional Insecurity — Clinging, crying, and difficulty separating from parents may signal that something’s amiss. Conversely, so may a reluctance to return to parents.
• Withdrawal — This is more than shyness, so look for signs of children who were once social now pulling away from others. The child may “zone out,” seem distracted, or be detached.
• Extreme Emotions — Children may cover up a deeper issue with irritability, belligerence, or excitability. The child may be overly aggressive or overly withdrawn. The child may cry for seemingly no reason.
• Listlessness — The things that used to make the child happy no longer do.
• Physical Complaints — A child frequently complains of a stomachache or headache, but there are no other signs of illness, such as fever, vomiting, or diarrhea. On the other hand, you may observe bruises, injuries, and other signs of physical abuse.
• Verbalized Complaints — Older kids express fear, a sense of doom, nervousness, and unhappiness.
• Change in Habits — The child may not sleep or eat the same as before. Also, a child may neglect his appearance and seem to be disheveled or have poor hygiene.
• Acting Out in a Sexually Inappropriate Manner — Hackney gives the example of a kindergarten-age girl who insisted on rolling on top of boys in her class during nap time and trying to kiss them.

The Cover-Up

Kids seem to have a natural instinct to “cover up” when something is wrong — so often their behavior becomes very exaggerated or completely reverses as they try to overcompensate for their feelings. Kids hope that no one will notice for a lot of reasons — they fear the consequences of discovery, they worry about being different, they resist the unwanted attention, and the list goes on. But if you notice a child’s behavior change dramatically and consistently, your antenna should go up, says Christian clinical psychologist Hackney. Watch the child and take note of his or her behavior over a period of time. Talk to the child, talk to adults who know the child, and talk to the parents. “If [a child is] very nervous, very upset, then you get the hair twiddlers, the nail chewers, the constant pickers. There’s something going on in [the child’s] life to cause this to happen…It’s really hard when you see kids only a couple hours per week. What you want to do is look at change. Behavior change is always motivated by something,” says Hackney.

The Low-Down

If you suspect or know that a child is experiencing a crisis or trauma, the experts offer these tips for assisting the child.

• Talk. Don’t be afraid to talk about the problem with the child and parents if it’s been established that there is a problem. Often, “we dance around the issue.” says Rossi. “Talk about it.”
• Treat it seriously. “This child is suffering,” says Rossi. “By connecting with that suffering…we’re less likely to say or do something that is going to worsen that situation. The worst thing we can do is be insensitive or do nothing.”
• Take action. “Out of fear, adults will do nothing. Out of fear of litigation, people will back away from doing something that could help,” Rossi says. “Being too tough, being too rough, not responding, saying ‘you’ll get over it,’ saying ‘time will heal’ — these are the worst things we can do. Often adults don’t want to deal with it when they notice changed behavior.”
• Don’t be clinical; be human. “Sometimes we’re so busy imposing our knowledge on these poor kids…,” says Coles, “that they get lost in the midst of that kind of imposition of thinking and analysis.”
• Don’t label or diagnose. “Most people are not qualified to diagnose,” says Rossi. People who aren’t mental health experts simply don’t have the knowledge or expertise to diagnose a child. As children’s ministers, our role is to be alert to problems, support the child, facilitate getting the child or family help, and in cases of abuse or neglect, notify authorities according to your ministry’s protocol.
• Use your head…and your heart. “Common sense is not to be dismissed. That’s a very important part of our humanity…reaching out to children mind, heart, and soul,” says Coles.
• Be objective. Don’t let your emotions take over.
• Get in touch with the child. “One of the things that adults do is they try to look at a child through adults’ eyes,” says Rossi. This won’t work; remember what it was like to be a child and then approach the child with those sensitivities in mind.
• Don’t underestimate the child’s suffering. Hackney’s work has been primarily with victims of abuse — ranging in ages from 18 months to 87 years of age — and he says that people deal with trauma’s ramifications all their lives. He says, “Abuse or neglect may not meet legal standards, but it is still traumatic to a child.”
• Don’t underestimate your ability to connect with the child. “Let us not underestimate our own possibilities and our own humanity in the form of our willingness and eagerness to be of assistance to children,” says Coles. Work in Progress Experts are optimistic about kids’ resiliency — especially those in a church community and those who experience the love and concern of caring adults. “Children who are churched seem to fare a whole lot better” when it comes to overcoming trauma, says Rossi. The church provides a caring community, support system, and belief system that unchurched kids typically don’t have. “If God is the healing agent — talk about resiliency, talk about power and healing,” says Rossi.

Coles emphasizes the importance of making a human connection with a hurting child. “Try to draw the child out, not be analytical and point out behaviors. Be human, responsive, caring, and interested. Have a conversation, play a game, find a way to connect without creating an analytical moment. Share a glass of milk or an ice cream cone,” he says. To connect with a child, approach him or her in a calm, safety-oriented, soothing, non-threatening way.

Kids needs a soft and understanding approach that helps them relax and feel safe. Talk about feelings. Adults can draw kids out by expressing their own feelings, then asking the child for his or her opinion. This allows a child to get a sense of safety about sharing his or her feelings. “The bottom line is reassurance,” says Rossi. Coles says, “We are human beings who can be hurt, also who can be healed by time and new experiences and people with whom we connect.”

He’s optimistic about a child’s ability to heal, regardless of the trauma suffered, and he cautions against our adult tendency to limit children. “[We can’t] be too fatalistic and almost categorize the child as…a child who’s been hurt, [as though] he’ll never get out of that because we’ve imposed an airtight label on him.” Ultimately we serve God, and we serve children. As their supporters, friends, teachers, and caregivers, we’re often faced with difficult situations. While we can’t heal every hurt, or diagnose or prevent every problem, we can focus on serving children when they’re in need. We can be there for children as the great I AM is there for us.

We can be present as God continues to be present for us. “We keep our eyes and ears open for pain and hurt,” says Coles. “Those pains and hurts are expressed by children sometimes indirectly, but we’re human beings, we know these children…It’s our responsibility and our opportunity as adults to learn from children, to respond to their cries of distress, and to let those cries of distress fall upon our eyes and ears, our hearts and our minds and souls in such a way that we reach out and say, ‘Yes, here I am.'”

Counseling Basics for the Novice

If you find yourself faced with a child who’s hurting — and you’re uncertain of how to proceed — use these counseling basics to connect with and support the child.

• Actively listen. Stop what you’re doing and really listen to what the child is saying. This means even repeating back what the child has said to you — for instance: “What you’re saying is you feel uncomfortable when other kids tease you about your scar.”
• Emphasize safety. By creating a safe environment for kids, they won’t resist confiding in you. Let them know that you’ll never judge them or make fun of them for anything they say or do.
• Be empathetic. By definition, this means to vicariously experience another person’s situation. Try to put yourself in the child’s shoes and imagine what he or she is feeling — then treat the child how you would want to be treated. Don’t be in a hurry to solve the problem; sometimes the child only needs to talk.
• Don’t promise to keep a secret. While confidentiality is highly important and kids need to know they can trust you, the simple fact is some secrets absolutely cannot be kept. Let the child know you’ll respect his or her wishes for secrecy as much as you’re able, but that for his or her protection, you may need to let another adult know what’s happening.
• Get help. If a child’s situation requires intervention of any kind, follow your ministry’s protocol and get help. This will most likely begin with notifying your children’s ministry director or senior pastor.

Transforming your Sunday school classroom into an exciting learning environment for kids can be tough on a budget. Here are 19 ideas that’ll cost you next to nothing…

Ugh. The bleak walls. The boring layout. The stale carpet. The blank bulletin boards. You have a job ahead of you — transforming your Sunday school classroom into an exciting learning environment that kids will flock to. But just as you let your imagination roll, reality reminds you that (of course) there’s always The Budget to consider.

You can transform your room on a tight budget — and here are 19 ideas that’ll cost you next to nothing and make your students say, “Wow!”

Dynamic Doors

• Back Pockets — Storage is often an issue in classrooms, especially those prone to clutter. So purchase (www.spacesavers.com) or sew a hanging over-the-door pocket bag. To sew the pocket bag, you’ll need a 7X2-foot piece of durable fabric. Cut out pockets of different fabrics in varying shapes and sizes, and sew them on the larger piece.
• Outside the Box — Don’t just decorate your door, make it part of the big picture! Use butcher paper for a temporary scene or latex paint for a permanent scene. For example, recreate John 20:1-9 by making your door the tomb entrance. Make your door the opening to the tomb, and create the scene outside the tomb on the walls. Then write the verse above your door.
• Cliffhanger — Choose an event from the Bible and illustrate it on your classroom door — storyboard-style. For example, depict four scenes from Noah’s Ark. Leave the conclusion a mystery, and tease visitors with a sign that says, “What happened next? Come in to find out!”

Creative Ceilings

• Border — Have kids lend a hand — and character — to this fun ceiling decoration. Create a handprint border around the top of the wall or the ceiling using several different colors of tempera paint.
• Mobiles — Mobiles are an easy way to liven up any drab room, and they make a creative class project.

Wowser Walls

• Colors Galore — Trade the institutional white on your walls for something more contemporary. A trip to a home improvement store will give you an idea of the vast range of cheery color combinations available. Recruit parents or preteens to help as you give your room a face-lift.
• Go Dark — Dramatic colors can add depth and interest to your room, and they make the perfect background to display kids’ art projects. You don’t want to paint every wall and the ceiling magenta, but a single dark wall with a display at the back of the room is inviting and will draw people into your room.
• All Aglow — Glow-in-the-dark paint (www.hometownpaint.com) and stickers (www.spacetoys.com) are a less obvious way to spice up your room, but kids love them. You can design a biblical skyline or scene, then decorate the walls and ceiling with stars. Kids will be captivated as you dim the lights to read passages from the Bible.
• Sticky Stuff — What will they think of next? Magnetic paint (www.teachersstore.com) is a unique addition to the painting palette — and you can cover it with your color of choice. Consider “striping” your room with the paint. You can easily attach pictures, art projects, and decorations with magnetic sheets.
• Murals — Murals never go out of style, and they’re always a fun, cooperative effort. You’ll need an artistic person to create the outlines of the mural, but just about anyone with a paintbrush can fill in the rest. Or bring your classroom to life with a custom-painted mural from www.wackyworld.tv orwww.painteroffun.com.

Winning Windows

• PVC Surprise — PVC piping (available at home improvement stores) is cheap, light, and versatile. To make curtain rods, cut sections just longer than the width of your windows. Drape each section with fabric, or cover the pipe itself with glue and fabric.
• Glass Stain — Windows are wonderful, but sometimes what’s going on outside them distracts kids. If you want to keep the light but lose the distraction, “stain” your glass. For stained glass kits, go to www.artcity.com or www.dickblick.com.

Fantastic Floors

• Remnants and Rugs — Cover worn-out carpet or soften tile with carpet remnants or inexpensive rugs. Breaking up a basic floor color with rugs also breaks up the room. You can create a cozy story time area or designate an activity area with varied carpets.
• Paint Me a Path — If your floor is forgettable, make it memorable with a new paint job (uncarpeted floors only). You can go wild with wacky designs and tons of color, or you can stay sane with a single sublime shade.

Funky Furniture

• Crates — Crates can do double duty as storage and bench seating. You can spray paint older crates to spruce up their appearance or cover them with fabric. To make benches, simply cut a piece of plywood to cover the crates. Glue foam to one side of the plywood, and finish the bench top by covering it with fabric. Staple the fabric to the bottom of the bench top with a staple gun.
• Mini Beanbags — Beanbags don’t have to cost a lot. Visit a thrift store and stock up on sturdy pillowcases. Stockpile plastic foam packing peanuts at home or visit office supply stores and department stores to see if they’re willing to let you have their leftovers. Stuff each pillowcase full of plastic foam peanuts, then sew shut the open end of the pillowcase to make a mini beanbag. These are great for kids ages 3 and up to lie or sit on during story time or activities, and they stack for games and easy cleanup.

Tables and Chairs — Chances are you probably have a roomful of tables, chairs, and desks. But if you’d like some cheap but distinctive additions to your classroom furniture, go to www.ikea-usa.com for a catalog.

Erase the bland look of classroom furniture with some brightly colored fabric. For example, cut tablecloths from remnants of fabric, new shower curtains, and oversize tablecloths. If your chairs could use improvement, go back to the thrift store and buy more pillowcases. Have kids decorate the pillowcases with fun designs and pictures. Slide the pillowcases over the backs of the chairs and tie large ribbons around the bases of the chair backs.

Puppet Alley — PVC works wonders for puppet stages. Stock up on sections of PVC pipe and several corner connectors. You can interchange the sections to fit your stage needs, then drape fabric over the piping for curtains.

Focal Teaching Point — Every classroom comes with a place to write, such as a chalkboard, dry erase board, or flip board. But if you’d like to expand your wall-writing options, apply chalkboard paint (www.hometownpaint.com) to an entire wall.

It was once said that a man is an island unto himself. If you have seen the movieCastaway, you know that being on an island by yourself for very long makes you miss the hustle and bustle of the world we live in. It quickly gets lonely when others aren’t around. Sure, we often say that it would be nice to get away from it all, but don’t you always return? Even God knew that being alone was not good for man. After all, it is written in Ecclesiastes that if man falls down, there is someone there to pick him up. If you fall down, don’t you want someone to help you up, brush off the dirt, and help you heal? We all do. That is what a team does when a Team Ministry Philosophy is established. The team cares for and helps its members. But how do you become a team player? That is a question that everyone struggles with. People have different ideas, but I want to share a few of my own with you that have been proven through experience.

The first thing you need to do in order to become a team player is write a personal mission and vision statement for your life. Sit down and identify what God has called you to do. It might be very difficult at first. However, let me assure you, once you figure out what your mission and vision are for your life, becoming a team player will be much easier. For instance, when I first began to write my mission and vision five years ago, I had ideas of what I wanted to do with my life. I started writing those down. What soon emerged was a person that was very split and divided over what I wanted to do with my life. When I started grouping similar items into categories, I began to see a predominant area of my life emerge.But what did I do with those other areas of my life that weren’t as predominant? I set them off to the side and let God have them. I released those desires to God and if He wants me to do them, He will provide the way. So sit down and figure out what your mission and vision are for your life. When your mission and vision are the focus of your service to the team, the team is enhanced.

The next thing you need to do in order to become a team player is figure out your strengths. Do you like to be in charge or do you like to be in the background? Do you like to do things with your hands or does that make you want to retreat into a fetal position? Do you enjoy listening to people or would you rather be the one talking? These and other questions help formulate what you can add to a team. This is more than just a personality test, although these can be great indicators of what your strengths are. Once you know your strengths, look for a team that you can help grow. If you are looking at a particular team and find someone with very similar strengths as yourself on it, find a different team. What I have witnessed over the years is that people with the same strengths get along fine for the short term, but it soon leads to conflicts. Find a team that needs your strengths.

Since we have talked about finding our strengths, let’s now talk about growing our weaknesses. We all have them and need to accept them. Nobody is perfect except Jesus. He is the only ministry hero. As you look for a team to be involved with, find a team that can help you grow in your weaknesses. One of the things that attracted me to come on staff with my pastor was that while we were very similar in style, many of my strengths were his weaknesses and many of his strengths were my weaknesses. While we are very similar in personality, we are very different in the office. Since I have allowed my pastor to speak into my life, my weaknesses have grown and are becoming some of my strengths. As you see your weaknesses grow, you find areas of your life that are new territory for you and lead to new things and exciting relationships with people. Being part of a team helps you grow in your weaknesses if you allow that team to speak into your life.

Another thing you have to accept in order to be a team player is there are no mavericks. As the old analogy goes, there is no “I” in TEAM. You must learn to play well with others. When you walk into the room with your team, does the air thicken and tension rise? Do you find yourself left out when the team gets together? More likely than not, you are not submitting yourself to the team. When you isolate yourself, you isolate the blessing that God has for you. It is important that whether you are paid or not, your work is for the glory of God. I want to hear the Master say to me, “Well done!” As an individual, you are limited. There may be times when you watch someone do something differently than you. It may even be slower and more awkward, but letting others do things is not the end of the world. In fact, it is just the beginning. You will see that person grow and become as good as or better than yourself at that task. As people on the team grow in their areas of weakness, the whole team becomes more effective.

Next, as a team member, you must take up the cross of the team. Be sure that when you arrive to work with your team, your own agenda is left at home. You know your mission and vision and how it enhances the team. There is a difference between sharing ideas that help the team grow and forcing agendas so that you get your way. If you are on a team so that you can espouse your own ideas, you need to ask God for His forgiveness right now. If you joined a team because you wanted to make it your own creation, stop now. I have seen people arrive to an event and begin to take over because they didn’t like the way it was being run. Avoid being that person at all costs. Proverbs says that the fool utters all that is in his heart. If you have an agenda and you fail to take up the cross of the team, soon you will utter all that is in your heart. There isn’t a quicker way to alienate yourself from the team than to stand up on a soapbox and scream until everyone listens. You are a member of the team and as a team, whether you like what the team does or not, you go along with it and make your part the best it can be.

Finally, after you figure out your own mission and vision, strengths and weaknesses, submit to the team, and take up the cross of the team, you must realize that your team is a smaller part of a larger team. No matter which team you are on, there is always a larger team that you are part of. Remember the song that goes, “The neck bone’s connected to the shoulder bone. The shoulder bone’s connected to the arm bone.” Each and every bone in the physical body serves another part of the body. The same is true of your ministry team. The bottom line of every team should be to do its best to grow the body of Christ. Do your personal best to help your team be the best team it can be. If you are a Sunday school teacher, help the Sunday school team be the best Sunday school team in your state. If you are part of the worship team, help that worship team be the best in your city. And when you see another team struggling, help that team in the best way you can. Now be careful in this situation that your team does not take over their functions. Your team can only do what it is intended to do. Just because the worship team is the best in the city does not mean that they can now go into the preschool and do their work there. Your youth team is just as important as your children’s team. The Sunday school is as important as the senior’s ministry, etc.

The story in Matthew 20 sums up all this. When James and John’s mother came and knelt at the feet of Jesus, asking if they could have the spots next to Jesus in heaven, she was asking Jesus to make them more important than any of the other disciples. Jesus goes on to say that if we want to be considered leaders, we must first serve others. As a team member, you must serve before you can lead. The same is true for your team. Your team must serve before they can lead. This is also true for your church as a whole. Your church body must serve before they can lead. Becoming a team member is not always the easiest thing to do, but it brings tremendous individual blessing and grows the body of Christ.

Considered now to be one of the greatest presidents of all time, he was once believed to be a horrible failure. A great football coach who won multiple Super Bowl titles ended up coaching a different football team years later and failed miserably. What is it that made Abraham Lincoln and George Siefert great in the eyes of people? Both were gifted leaders who had great teams surrounding them. So why were Abraham Lincoln and George Siefert considered failures during different stages of their careers? At those times, they were gifted leaders who had poor teams surrounding them. You’re only as great as the team that you build around you. It doesn’t matter how great a leader you are—or think you are. If you fail to build a winning team, you will fail to win. When we speak of building a team, we have to do two things. First, you have to admit that you aren’t the greatest Children’s Pastor or Worker since the invention of sliced cheese. Second, you have to submit yourself to being part of the team. Too often, the greatest, most dynamic leaders in Children’s Ministry fail to allow themselves to become part of a team. They believe, or are led to believe, that they have to be the end to every problem, a superhero with Herculean strength that can solve all the problems of the world before they have had their morning coffee. Take, for instance, the ongoing ministry struggle of recruiting. Many Children’s Pastors end up in the box of believing they are the sole recruiter for the nursery, preschool, elementary, Wednesday night, etc. The fact is few Children’s Pastors are great recruiters. That is why we find so many articles and books on the art of recruiting. But I bet if you look around your church, you will begin to notice one or two people who are able to get anyone involved in a project. They have that personality that draws people to want to help. Get that person on your team and let them solve your recruiting problem. You build your team by looking at your weaknesses, and we all have them.

Take the example of Moses from Exodus 18. Moses, after talking with his father-in-law, Jethro, and realizing what his weakness was, found people that could do the same job he was doing, and some were better at it than he was! He wasn’t afraid that someone was going to take his place as the chief judge among the Israelites. He was the man that God wanted in that job. You are the person that God wants in your job. Once you accept this, you won’t be so threatened by someone who does a part of your job better than you. My pastor and I are a great team. While we are very similar in personality type, some of my strengths are his weaknesses and vice versa. I take on those tasks that I know he doesn’t necessarily enjoy. Our team accomplishes much more and is more effective because we work together as a team. My pastor isn’t afraid that I am going to take his job. I don’t want it. I just want to be the biggest blessing I can be. Let people help you. Get over your own insecurities and allow God to use others to make you a better person.

At my church, I don’t have hands-on control of the nursery, preschool, Wednesday night ministry, or Sunday school. I have team members that are gifted in those areas of ministry that help accomplish the vision God has given me for our ministry. The only area that I currently have my hands directly on is Sunday morning Elementary Children’s church. But I have been investing and equipping a team of people, and one couple in particular, to take this ministry and make it their own. So, what is my job then? I am the Head Coach. I call the plays based on the vision God has given me. I invest and equip each of my team members to do their job to their greatest potential. My ministry is to my leaders so that they can help me reach and touch the lives of our kids. Team leaders recruit their own team. That ministry team then makes the decisions about what is going to best help the team accomplish its goals. All discussion, disagreements, and planning is handled by the team. Because I invest in my ministry team leaders, they know how I would handle situations, and if they are unsure, they know they can ask

To adopt a team ministry philosophy is not as easy as walking into church next Sunday and doing it. You have to begin by realizing that you are not the superhero in your church. You have to allow yourself the freedom to allow others that are better than you, or have the potential to be better than you, to work with you directly. Changes have to begin with you. Then your relationship with people has to change. Remember Jesus and the feeding of the 5,000 (which was actually closer to 15,000 because of the women and children)? Jesus helped organize the people into groups as small as 50 people. Then he gathered the bread and the fish and broke it amongst the disciples, then sent them out to feed the groups. They had so much that they had leftovers. Jesus, the only superhero, could have gone to each of those groups and fed the people. Instead, He sent his team out to do the work. The disciples were the ones that took the food to the people. Jesus stood by and watched his team carry out the plan. That is team ministry.

At a recent outreach retreat, one of our visiting children decided to follow Christ. His parents came to church the next Sunday. They said, “Our son came home so changed that we wanted to find out why.”

That’s what outreach is all about-reaching out to people who’d normally not come to your church. Listed below are ideas to help your churched kids reach out to their unchurched friends and families.

Take the time and effort to plan and organize well. Make sure kids understand that you want them to invite their unchurched friends. It won’t be hard to convince them. When you provide fun events, kids will eagerly let their friends know.

SPECIAL DAYS

Kids of all ages will enjoy these days.

• Art Day — Invite a local artist to teach cartooning, color and line, and perspective. Have kids make masks or learn how to mix colors.
• Gym Day — Rent or borrow a gym if you don’t have one on your church campus. Invite a local sports figure to offer a clinic for your kids. Ask a local grocery for free drinks and give a sponsor’s award in return with your thanks.
• Game Day — Have kids bring their favorite table games. Hold a tournament and give prizes in each age category. Or make your own games. How about a huge Twister using various colored paper plates taped to the floor?
• Sidewalk Circus — Have children make puppets and create a puppet show. Take your puppet team to the city park and hold a sidewalk circus. You can also have circus-type acts, clowns, and balloons. Invite visiting children to come to your church on Sunday.
• Music Day — Have kids bring their own instruments for a band. Or have a kazoo marching band.
• Ecology Day — Teach about reuse, reduce, and recycle. Have kids plant trees in your community or coordinate a paper drive. Communicate the ecology message from the standpoint that God created the world and gave us authority over it.
• Kite Day — Fly high in the spring. After morning worship, supply kite-making materials. Serve families pizza or hot dogs for lunch. After everyone has eaten and made a kite, enjoy flying the kites.
• Celebrate Friend Day — Encourage each child to bring a friend to Sunday school. Honor friends by having children give their guests a special nametag and a helium balloon.
• Cookie Bake–Off — With plenty of adult supervision, have children bake cookies. Use simple, pictorial recipes and premeasure all ingredients. After the cookie party, have kids seal the extra cookies in plastic bags. Take children to give the cookies to a shut-in, nursing home resident, or sick child.
• Animal Crackers — How about a petting zoo or a parade of your favorite stuffed animals? Maybe a live pet show? Kids could pretend to be animals in the zoo. Or you could reenact Noah’s collection of animals. Set up in a neighborhood on Saturday morning and watch kids flock to you.
• Children’s Day — Use this special day to recognize children. Focus all the music and events around children. Decorate with helium balloon bouquets. Have children assist adult ushers and lead in prayer. Invite parents so they can be ministered to as they see how much your church values their children.
• S.O.K. (Summer Outing for Kids) — This is a special day in the summer. Charge a nominal fee for these days and encourage kids to invite friends. You can do any of the following:

• Go to the zoo, a children’s museum, or a farm.
• Have a cooking day where kids prepare and cook their own lunch.
• Hold a day camp with planned activities such as crafts, cooking, games, and stories.

• Kinder Kamp — Get an address list of unchurched preschoolers by asking young mothers for names of unchurched mothers of preschoolers they know. On the Saturday before preschoolers are promoted to their new Sunday school class, invite churched and unchurched preschoolers and their parents to Kinder Kamp. Have them come to their new Sunday school departments, meet their new teachers, and see what they’ll be doing. Serve refreshments and give each child a school box and pencil. Children and parents will be more excited about Sunday school after Kinder Kamp.

PARTIES

You won’t have to coerce kids to invite their friends to these fun events.

• Design a T-Shirt Party — Do this activity at the beginning of the summer and have kids design a theme shirt for the summer. Provide fabric paint and have kids bring T-shirts to decorate. Then set kids free to create.
• Pizza Party — Set up a topping bar and have kids make their own pizzas on English muffins. Combine this food-fest with a Frisbee golf tournament on the lawn. You could call this one “Par Wars and the Pepperoni Strikes Back”!
• Movie Party — Rent a movie with permission to show the movie to a group. Pop plenty of popcorn. Have kids make this a “drive-in movie” by making cars out of boxes before the movie starts. Kids can sit in their “cars” and watch the show.
• Make-a-Movie Extravaganza — Use Bible themes and reenact biblical stories or create your own theme. Give plastic “Oscar” awards after the screening.
• Game Shows — Run your own game show. It’s fun! Game versions of shows such as Double Dare are available at toy outlets. Or you can make your own Wheel of Fortune game.
• Gong Show — This is an amateur program based on TV’sThe Gong Show. Kids can show off their talents and have a great time. Plan silly adult talent acts for gonging. Use a hanging metal trash can lid for gonging.

EXTENDED EVENTS

During longer events, there are greater opportunities for churched kids to share their faith with their unchurched friends.

• Snow J-A-M (Jesus and Me) — You can call this retreat for third- through sixth-graders anything you want-as long as you keep the J-A-M for “Jesus and Me.” It’s Snow J-A-M in our church because it’s held in January, and there’s snow on the ground!

Plan this retreat away from the church on a Friday night or an all-day Saturday. And encourage kids to invite other kids. Invite a speaker to address topics such as friendship, self-image, and relationship with Jesus.

• Rainbow River Camp — This four-day camp has recreation, Bible stories, games, and worship for kids. Provide enough adult supervision for quality one-on-one time for each child at some time during the camp. You’ll have best outreach results if you have this in a city park.  

The life of a worship leader is a happy one. These people get all the fame, the royalties, the best-looking girls (or boys), they get to travel around the world and sing their carefully crafted compositions to lots of loyal followers. They are perfect in every way…

No. The truth is they get irritable, they have bad breath, and sometimes, they do write some quite awful, cringe-inducing songs that sound like pallid impressions of (most) Coldplay tunes. They are impatient, egotistical, insecure, and most of the time, they can’t play their instruments properly. They are normal…like us.

So, in a bid to help these poor, wounded souls along the way, here’s our Top Ten Worship Leader Do’s and Don’ts. If you are a worship leader, this collection of gems won’t make you a nicer person, but hopefully it’ll make you even better at helping your congregation praise and worship Jesus with gusto and integrity.

1 . Do…make yourself clear.
We have said this time and time again, but agree on a set of (obvious) signals. By osmosis, the worship-leading ‘trade’ appears to have adopted an almost Masonic, yet well-known set of ticks and tricks. A leg-cock tends to generally mean a chorus is about to happen, a cocked leg with a shaky foot means a bridge is imminent, and an obvious guitar chop means it’s time to end. The ending is important, and you have to pre-agree on the format. Are you going to end with a slowing ‘rout’ or a definitive final note at the end of a bar? Communicate what method you plan to execute during the rehearsal. Of course, there should be room for improv solos and numerous repeats within the body of the song, but do make it clear to the individual musician what you want from them without them having to perform some kind of David Blaine-esque mind-reading technique.

2.  Don’t…keep playing your own songs.
There are plenty of reasons to play your own songs at church – it’s personal, it underscores your church’s sense of community, and it celebrates God’s creativity. There is, however, an unavoidable poignancy when you are singing your own songs, and, without doubt, you will have more affection for them rather than others, so be careful not to be your own publicity machine. Repeated medleys featuring your own ‘hits’ could prompt dreams of lucrative record deals, worldwide fame, and houses in the country. That may be God’s will for your life, but it’s not for you to force it – he’ll open the doors for that if he wants it.

3.  Do…provide printed information to musicians.
A set list is a given, but printing out the songs with lyrics and chords helps everyone. Don’t ignore the drummer – he or she wants to know how many versus and choruses there are. If there’s a rhythm pattern change on certain chords, it’s easy to refer to the printed matter without having to embark on a long conversation about where and when it comes. Don’t ignore musicians who sight-read: they need charts, and it’s your job to find out beforehand if they do and provide them with the appropriate material at the rehearsal.

4.  Don’t…stick to a tried-and-tested formula.
The worst thing that can happen during a service is the feeling that this is a just a ‘job’ for the worship leader and that the congregation is simply fulfilling a routine. Read the Bible – there’s no routine. One day David was looking after a few sheep, then he was beating up lions and felling giants. Sometimes, laziness creeps in, promoting an unhealthy reliance on tried-and-tested favorites. Congregations will tire of singing the same tunes each week, and that leads to apathy. Bring the congregation into new places without having to rely on standards and formulaic set lists and sounds.

5.  Do…choose the correct key.
Congregations want to sing without having to think about staying in tune and if they are, you have chosen the wrong key. It is tempting to choose the key that suits your voice and makes you sound good, but try to be sensitive to others and the limited range they may have. The key that’s listed on the official lyric chart might be fine for the writer but not necessarily for you or the congregation, so don’t take that as ‘gospel.’ It’s always a horror when your congregation sounds like they’ve sucked on a helium balloon or that they are singing a funeral lament. Sound out the rest of the musicians in the rehearsal if you have any doubts about the key you have chosen.

6.  Don’t…overcomplicate things.
Stops, starts, key changes, slowing down, starting up, solos, a cappella, medleys, loops are all in the worship leader’s chocolate box, but it is important not to gorge on them all at once. Stops are the musical equivalent of the caramel truffle, and they can be irritating if used with gay abandon. Repeated stops confuse the congregation, and let’s face it, they are unrelentingly dull. This is a practice that only musicians enjoy because it demands precision, and if it comes off, it gives them license to pat themselves nicely on the back, content with a job well done. If the stops don’t come off, they sound terrible – it’s just loud Morse code.

7.  Do…learn basic musical theory.
Your main vehicle as a worship leader in a contemporary church setting is music. Now that sounds extremely simplistic, but there are still worship leaders out there who don’t know what a bar or a time signature is or indeed anything about note values and why they are important.

You don’t have to be a virtuoso to be a worship leader, but a few basics that allow you to communicate properly in this context will do you no harm at all. A worship leader who is able to count a few bars is like finely honed gold, and one who is able to transpose quickly and effectively is, well, a Godsend. If you are the traditional acoustic guitar-leading worship leader, learn some simple skills on other musical instruments and, if you are feeling particularly saucy, learn a few scales. If you do, the lead guitarist, who looks at you quizzically every week, will become a newfound friend. That could be a bad thing…

8.  Don’t…expect the band to second-guess what you are doing.
This is wholly frustrating, particularly for drummers. The staple song-ending sign for a guitar-playing worship leader is to perform a sort of chopping action. Now you don’t have to bash the headstock on the ground, but a centimeter-length solitary ‘chop’ isn’t going to do the job. If you want your drummer to end at the same time as you and not make the finale sound like a drunk falling down the stairs, then make this action much more obvious. Nor is a nod and a wink sufficient – it looks like you are up to something dodgy, and band members genuinely don’t know whether you have a straight-from-the-horse’s-mouth tip about the next winner at the Cheltenham hurdles or whether you are planning to repeat the chorus.

9.  Do…think outside of the box.
When you are putting together your set list, be prepared to extend your boundaries, and try not to repeat the songs that you played the previous week. Every song suffers when it is overplayed, so it’s important that you keep its metaphorical powder dry. Shake things up a bit – drag out an old hymn or chorus. How about starting off with a tender song rather than a rip-roarer? Look in your diary – is this a pertinent date in history, and is there a message to be drawn from that? God loves creativity, and in your preparations, be creative.

10. Don’t…take the musicians for granted.
Playing for a grumpy, unappreciative worship leader is like dragging a dead horse through soft sand. Even the most gifted, accomplished musician likes to be told that he or she has made a valuable contribution. Don’t overdo the platitudes – breathing requires little talent – but a kind word or a ‘well played’ will always be well received. If a musician has ideas for a song and you’ve had to reject them because it simply doesn’t fit, encourage them for trying something different – maybe you can use it in another context. Try not to sound like a cheesy Christian with all this – there’s nothing worse than rampaging insincerity.