Here are some stats that reflect the state of marriage and families in the postmodern world:

• In 1960, nearly 70% of American adults were married; now only about half are.

• Eight times as many children are born out of wedlock.

• There are striking differences by generation. In 1960, two-thirds (68%) of all twenty-somethings were married. In 2008, just 26% were.

• Americans are waiting about five years longer to marry than they did in 1970.

• Postmodern generations are much more inclined than their elders to view cohabitation without marriage and same sex marriage in a positive light.

• A new marriage gap in the United States is increasingly aligned with a growing income gap. Marriage, while declining among all groups, remains the norm for adults with a college education and good income but is now markedly less prevalent among those on the lower rungs of the socio-economic ladder.

• College graduates are now far more likely to marry (64%) than those with no higher education (48%).

• The survey finds that those in this less-advantaged group are as likely as others to want to marry, but they place a higher premium on economic security as a condition for marriage. This is a bar that many may not meet.

• America’s divorce rate began climbing in the late 1960s and skyrocketed during the ’70s and early ’80s, as virtually every state adopted no-fault divorce laws. The rate peaked at 5.3 divorces per 1,000 people in 1981. But since then, it’s dropped by one-third, to 3.6. That’s the lowest rate since 1970. Some experts say relationships are as unstable as ever, and divorces are down primarily because more couples live together without marrying. The number of couples who live together without marrying has increased tenfold since 1960.

These trends have implications for us. Especially if we are reaching unchurched families instead of just families transferring from other churches or home grown church families.

• You will encounter parents who are living together unmarried. How will you approach this as a ministry? An example is parent/child dedication. Will you allow the couple to participate if they are living together unmarried? What steps will you offer them to get on a pathway to God’s plan?

• The number of children coming from a single parent household will continue to increase. How will you minister to them? Start a mentoring program for boys without a dad? Could you offer free car maintenance for single moms?

• How will you connect with the growing number of young, single adults? What pathways will you offer them so they can grow in their faith? How can you help them establish a solid, Biblical foundation for their future marriage?

• How will you help families establish a Biblical worldview of marriage? In my opinion, one of the biggest challenges facing us is in this area is same-sex marriage. Homosexuality as an acceptable lifestyle for a Christ-follower is being propagated. The stand we take on this will affect the belief systems of our children.

• How will you effectively minister to children and families who are going through or have been through the tragedy of divorce? What support can you provide? How can you help them get back on their feet?

• We must continue to fight for families and effectively share God’s truths and plans for establishing and maintaining a godly home.

WORKING MOMS

In the last 50 years, there has been a major shift in moms working outside the home. Changes in demographics are not the only factor driving family change. Over the past 50 years, the U.S. economy has been transformed on several dimensions. The manufacturing-based economy has been replaced by an information-based economy.

And the presence of women in the workplace has increased dramatically. In 1960, women comprised only 33% of the U.S. labor force. By 2009, women had reached near parity with men (47% of the workforce).

These dramatic changes in the economic status of women have had wide-ranging effects on family structure. In the 1950s and 1960s, most married women did not work outside the home, instead relying on their husbands income to support the family. In 1960, 32% of wives were in the labor force. By 2008, that share had risen to 61%.

Over that same period, women have made significant gains in educational attainment. In 1960, less than 6% of women had a college degree. By 2008, that share had climbed to 29%. Furthermore, for the past two decades, women have been the majority of new college graduates. As a result, among adults in their 20s and 30s today, more women than men have graduated from college. Along with their greater participation in the labor force, women began to delay marriage and have fewer children. In addition, women have been faced with the challenge of balancing marriage, motherhood, and work. A large majority of mothers with children younger than 18 (71%) are now in the labor force. In 1975, fewer than half of all mothers were working. Even among mothers of very young children (younger than 3), 60% are in the labor force, up from 34% in 1975.

In spite of the gains women have made in the educational arena and in the workplace, most of the public adheres to a fairly traditional view of which spouse should be the primary breadwinner. When asked in the current Pew Research Center survey how important it is that a woman be able to support a family financially in order to be ready for marriage, only 33% say this is very important. When asked a parallel question about men, 67% say it is very important that a man be able to support a family.

More than six-in-ten (62%) survey respondents endorse the modern marriage in which the husband and wife both work and both take care of the household and children; this is up from 48% in 1977. This shift has implications for us as we minister to families:

Working moms are good at multi-tasking.They are balancing work and home life. Being a mom is a full-time job in itself. Add to that a job outside the home, and by necessity, you’ve got someone who is good at keeping a lot of plates spinning. My wife works full-time, and I watch in amazement at all she accomplishes between home and work.

But multi-tasking can lead to stress…and lots of it.We can respond by providing a place where moms can come and be refilled through worship, Bible study, and spending time with other moms. I would be hesitant to “require” moms to serve in your children’s ministry. Yes, moms should serve…but sometimes, the best place for them to serve is away from their kids. Sometimes, they need a break from the kids. That’s not a blanket statement; some of our best children’s ministry volunteers are working moms. I would just steer away from “requiring” moms to serve in children’s ministry.

More working moms means more children in aftercare.This opens the door even wider for churches to lead after school Bible clubs and other outreach opportunities in local schools.

Families are under financial pressure.In many families, it takes dad and mom working just to make ends meet. Many divorces are caused by financial pressure. What a great opportunity to come alongside families and offer financial coaching and classes to help them manage their finances. What a great opportunity to help families through marriage classes that help them cope with the pressure.

Working moms are very busy and make choices with their time.The pace of our society keeps moms and families on the run. This leads to time priorities being established. When moms come to church, make sure you use the time wisely. Instead of a long list of programs that are mediocre, consider doing fewer programs with excellence. Your ministry calendar should be a direct pathway to where you want moms and families to be spiritually. Don’t program just to be programming. Be strategic with the time you have with moms and families so you can make the biggest impact.

Working moms look forward to spending time with their kids.Their children are still their top priority, and they cherish every moment they have with them. What a great opportunity to provide resources that moms can use to disciple their children. Provide easy, precise tools that they can use in the time they have. If it’s too long or cumbersome, it will more than likely sit on the shelf. But if it’s a tool that they can use not only for bedtime prayers but also pull up on their iPod while driving the kids to soccer practice, they are more likely to use it. Make sure you are creating resources and tools that will actually be used in today’s fast-paced culture.

THE RESTRUCTURE OF THE FAMILY

Consider these findings…

• Only a minority says the trends toward more cohabitation without marriage (43%), more unmarried couples raising children (43%), and more gay couples raising children (43%) are bad for society. Relatively few say any of these trends are good for society, but many say they make little difference.

• Marriage is no longer considered a prerequisite for parenthood. Over the past 50 years, the share of children born to unmarried mothers has risen dramaticallyincreasing eightfold from 5% in 1960 to 41% in 2008.

• This trend has contributed to the decrease in the share of children under age 18 living with two married parents to 64% in 2008 from 87% in 1960.

• A large majority of mothers with children younger than 18 (71%) are now in the labor force. In 1975, fewer than half of all mothers were working. Even among mothers of very young children (younger than 3), 60% are in the labor force, up from 34% in 1975.

• Eight times as many children are born out of wedlock.

• Children in America are growing up in a much more diverse set of living arrangements than they did a half century ago. In 1960, nearly nine-in-ten children under age 18 resided with two married parents (87%); by 2008, that share had dropped to 64%.

• Children raised by gay and lesbian couples are seen as facing the most challenges: about half the public (51%) say they face a lot more challenges than other children, and an additional 28% say they face a few more challenges.

• Next on the list are children of divorce 42% say they face a lot more challenges than other children followed by children of single parents (38% say they face a lot more challenges), and children whose parents are living together but not married (16%). Solid majorities say that children in nearly all of these circumstances face at least a few more challenges than other children.

• For the most part, opinions about the challenges of children in non-traditional living arrangements do not vary significantly across demographic groups. However, people ages 65 and older are generally more inclined than younger peopleespecially those younger than 30to say that children in certain circumstances face a lot more challenges than their peers.

• Among parents of young children, those who are married are more likely than those who are not married to say the obstacles children of divorced couples and of single parents face are far greater than those of their peers. Nearly half of married parents with children younger than 18 say children who grow up with divorced parents (47%) or single parents (48%) have a lot more challenges; about one-third of unmarried parents of young children say that is the case.

• Women account for 77% of unmarried parents living with children under the age of 18; 86% of parents who live with their minor children and have never been married and are not living with a partner are mothers, as are 78% of those who are divorced or separated.

• Divorced parents are especially likely to share custody of their young children; fewer than half (45%) say their children under the age of 18 live with them all of the time, while 35% say the children live with them part of the time, and 18% say their children dont live in their household

• Women are twice as likely as men to have their young children living with them all of the time; more than eight-in-ten mothers of young children who are not married or who had children before they were married say that is the case (85%), compared with 42% of fathers. One-third of fathers who are not currently married or who had children before they were married say their children live with them some of the time, and a considerable percentage (23%) say their children dont ever live in their household.

These shifts in families have implications for us as we minister to children.

• Children are not developing a proper view of marriage due to seeing and hearing distortions.It is essential that we be intentional in teaching and modeling God’s plan for marriage.
  

• Make sure you interview people before you allow them to begin serving with kids.You do not want a volunteer telling the children that it’s okay to not follow God’s plan for families. Last year, I was interviewing a lady who wanted to teach our kids at weekend services. As I interviewed her, it became apparent she did not hold a Biblical view of marriage. She finally said, “Marriage is just a piece of paper.” She was welcome to continue to attend adult services, but she did not get the teaching position.